


you'll never feel like you're alone (i'll make this feel like home)

by jadelliete



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Crying, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Lowercase, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) Needs a Hug, Rated for cursing, Sad Mark Lee (NCT), Sweet Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, he's too pure for this world, icb that's a tag but yes give him hugs, idk what else to tag, its not really angsty? its just very emotional, mark writes him a song, they're both sensitive and emotional boys:(, yukhei is trying his best really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadelliete/pseuds/jadelliete
Summary: lying down on his bed, mark tries to think of what he needs at the moment.yukhei.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	you'll never feel like you're alone (i'll make this feel like home)

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhh its been ages since i last wrote something but what gf wishes for, gf gets.  
> happy birthday mellie i love you lots and lots and i hope you have the bestest day, this isn't much and its not perfect but i hope it makes you happy.

mark isn't really sure of what this is, this numbing feeling, this ache in his heart when he's out with his friends, the way his hand clinges to his boyfriend's tightly as they all laugh at some joke one of them cracked. the thing is; mark isn't even sure when did it start, when did he start feeling down and just _empty_ inside. he would've blamed it on the exams and the workload he has from college, but he's done with his midterms and the finals aren't even close by, he wishes he could find a specific reason, really, but he can't pinpoint his finger on anything that caused him to feel this way.   
  
  
it's not just him feeling sad, no, it also gets on his moods. like that one time he and yukhei were playing video games together; he's playing aggressively, cussing loudly when usually he's laughing and messing around with him. and god it's so pitiful how mad he gets when yukhei wins, storming into their bedroom while cursing yukhei loud enough for him to hear. sure enough, the disgust of himself seeps in shortly after and it sickens him, he wants to go there, apologize to yukhei and kiss him silly, but he can't. oh how _bad_ mark wants to talk with yukhei, have a proper conversation with him instead of rushed ones they have with the little time they have for themselves alone. he also wishes he could tell him what he's feeling, but how can he? what is he even feeling? he doesn't want to burden him with this lame phase he's going through.   
  
  
yukhei notices, of course he fucking did, when was he ever not able to read right through mark? well, this time, apparently. because instead of getting close to mark, he's giving him his own space and time, and _fuck,_ because that's exactly what mark always needs whenever there's something on his mind and yukhei knows him so well, knows how mark prefers to keep to himself and figure out whatever is on his mind and then talk it out with yukhei because he _always_ tells him eventually, whether he has solved his conflicts or not. and mark appreciates that dearly, he really does. he even gives himself time to actually think whatever is going on out, but he just _fucking can't_ and it's so unbearably frusturating that falls asleep with no thoughts on his mind.   
  
  
whatever happened that day didn't bother yukhei, he's still as bright and energetic as ever. he gives mark his morning kisses and mark's heart leaps. he wants more, he wants to be closer to him, he wants to pull him in a bone numbing hug, he wants to kiss him and cuddle with him while they watch cat compilations on youtube like they always do. he wants to hold his hand, god he _needs_ to hold his hand, feel his presence and let it calm him down. but what does he do instead? he just gives him a half-hearted smile and goes straight to the fridge to grab something to eat. truthfully, he doean't feel like eating, he doesn't have the appetite for it, but he doesn't want to worry his boyfriend -if there's something that mark hates more than this then it's definitely worrying yukhei, he can't take him being sad nor can he take the worried expressions he gives him- so he forces himself to eat a full bowl of cereal even if he felt like throwing it up, he doesn't, but he still feels sick, emotionally.   
  
  
  
in times like these, mark usually decides to just write whatever crosses his mind and then turn it into a song, it's kind of a hobby he had in high school. he doesn't have much time for that now so he hasn't done in this in a few good months. so sitting in the middle of his bed, notebooks spread around him with guitar in arms gives him a somewhat nostaligc feeling, he remembers meeting yukhei for the first time in 9th grade, he was, and still is, so pure, all big smiles and big colorful sweatshirts with his heart on his sleeve, wanting everyone to be his friend and worried about practically the whole school's wellbeing. he was so naïve, mark oftenly made fun of him for that, what dude brings his whole class cookies and gifts on his _own_ birthday? he was "too weirdly good" for mark's liking even though he secertly admired his pure antics and behaviours.  
  
mark has strictly told his friends that he would _"never ever ever"_ befriend someone like him, but here he is, dating the dork that oftenly made him blush and gave him "stupid butterflies illness" like what mark had called it back in 10th grade when he confessed to yukhei, telling him to _stop making me feel like this_. well, back then yukhei didn't quite catch what mark meant, so he just pouted and apologized with his cute broken korean, mark just shook his head and left that day, thinking he was rejected, but the other day yukhei came up to him with a wide grin, cheeks colored a deep red and told him that he gives him "butterflies illness" too. the memory still makes mark smile, heart tying in knots thinking about their younger selves.  
  
come to think of it, yukhei was like a role model to mark, someone he looked up to, an idol of some sort, and mark didn't forget to mention that on the song he wrote for yukhei on their first year anniversary, yukhei had cried that day, kissing mark like there was no tomorrow. mark frowns, wishing that could happen now. he looks at the door, hoping for yukhei to burst in and do just that, but it doesn't come. instead, he hears the front door open and close. he sighs. right, yukhei's got classes to attend.   
  
  
he places his guitar on the bed and lies there, staring up at the ceiling and thinking of what he needs at the moment so he could scribble it down.   
  
yukhei.   
  
  
that's the word that he first thinks of.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
it's a few days later when yukhei asks mark to go to this party one of his friends is holding. they both aren't a huge fans of partying, but they do it from time to time, drunkly kissing your boyfriend while chuckling isn't much of a bad idea anyway. but currently? partying is the last thing mark wants to do. just the thought of being around many people with loud ass music in a house smells of alchohol and sweat gives mark a headache, but he can't turn yukhei down, so he agrees. besides, his friends will be there, so really, how bad can this be? not that bad right?   
  
  
wrong. it's only been ten minutes of them being here and mark has already managed to get a headache. yukhei has left him with his friends and went with this person he can't even remember the face of. mark understands. yukhei probably thinks that mark needs his friends' company around him to feel better, he appreciates yukhei's advances so fucking much and wishes to just, hug him and thank him for being the most considerate boyfriend the world could ever offer, but as usual, mark doesn't and stays silent, feet planted to the floor he's standing on next to his friends.  
  
  
they are talking loudly in the corner, punching him in the shoulder when they laugh at something that mark would have probably found funny if he wasn't suffoucating. he stares down at his full cup of beer, glances at yukhei grinning and playing with people mark can't recognize. his heart does a pathetic squeeze. he's being petty, he knows. but god, what would it take to have the older's full and undivided attention on him? he loves seeing him happy and carefree, i mean, what kind of person would he even be if he doesn't? but it still leaves a bitte taste in mark's mouth.   
  
  
  
he can't take this, he can't handle this atmosphere, this bad, loud music, this.. _everything._ it all feels too much and overwhelming and he really doesn't want to worry his friends as well, so he tells them that he's leaving, keeping his excuse simple by saying that he's getting a headache, which is partly true. before he can leave though, one of them pulls him by his arm.  
  
"are you sure you're okay?" donghyuck gives him a serious look, lowering voice so others won't hear. well, it's not like they could with the loud music.   
  
mark nods, smiling a little. thankfully, donghyuck notices the need to leave in mark's eyes and lets him go, but not before telling him to text him if he ever needs to someone to talk to. mark nods again and heads to where yukhei is.   
  
  
he stands behind him as there is a shit ton of people around the table. he calls for him, once, twice, thrice. he doesn't hear him and keeps playing this stupid beer pong game. reaching out to him would be the best idea to get him to notice but tears are already welling up in his eyes and no. he is not about to stop yukhei from having fun and _ruin his night_. so he turns around and exists the house. he didn't even want yukhei to leave with him or do something, he just wanted to tell him that he's leaving so he won't go searching for him later. mark takes a deep breath to calm himself down, it does a little job to actually do so but it's something and mark will take anything at this point.  
  
  
he texts yukhei anyway, still thinking about him and still not wanting to worry him even when he feels like breaking down right about now.   
  
  
once he steps in their home, the empty feeling is back, the tears that threatened to pour out dried. he sighs, taking off his jacket and throwing his phone on the sofa. after getting changed, he sits in the living room. he doesn't know what to do now, the overwhelmness is gone, he's home, its silent and quiet and just what he needed, and its back. the confusion, the unsettleness, the feeling of something _not_ being right.  
  
  
he decides to check his phone as a distraction, but his conversation with yukhei displays first thing, he must have forgotten to close it. his messages are recieved, just not read yet and it was at that moment that something has hit him so hard, so powerful that he breaks down in tears in such a long time. he rarely cries. not even in the worse situations but he just can't take it anymore. mark buries his face in his palms and more tears start streaming down his face. its so ugly, this feeling, this longing, this heartache, this pain that licks and bites at his poor heart, its all so ugly and stupid and he doesn't understand _why_ is this even happening. pulling his knees to his chest, his cries only grow louder as he squeezes himself in his own embrace, thinking about home, about his parents.   
  
_about yukhei._  
  
he needs him here, he needs to hear his voice telling him that everything will be alright, that everything will pass, that _he is_ alright, because if yukhei says everything will be alright then it's true, then he'll believe it, not because he's drawn and affected by his words, no, it's because yukhei manages to make everything okay, he manages to draw a big, bright rainbow in mark's gloomy cloud. he brings him out of the depths of darkness just by the stroke of his palm on his back, by his oh _so_ warm embrace, then mark will feel all the grief drip out of him, he'll bury his face in yukhei's chest, mumbling a muffled song of _'thank you, i love you'.  
  
  
_  
  
when mark wakes up, he's in his bed, wrapped by soft and warm blankets, but more importantly, in yukhei's strong and protective arms. he closes his eyes, his own arms wrapping around the older's, not wanting to get up just yet, savouring the moment of mind peace he's having. he thinks its kind of pathetic how he clinges to yukhei, but he doesn't care, not when he hasn't felt this warmth in so long. he doesn't remember sleeping, but yukhei must have moved him from the living room to their bedroom. truth be told, mark expected yukhei to pass put on the couch from being too wasted, but then again, he isn't a fan of drinking and he probably won the idiotic game he played last night, left right when he saw that mark did, took a shower when he came back and cuddled up close to mark.  
  
  
many emotions run through mark right now, content, comfort, warmness, a bit of sorrow and sadness from last night, but he mostly feels good, there's still a lingering emptiness and homesickness, but its differnet. surely, mark misses his hometown a whole lot, his parents always on his mind. but he has made a new home with yukhei, and he misses that the most. anywhere with yukhei feels like home, that is true, but he misses _this_ home, the warm and tight hug they're sharing. he knows yukhei is up, he can feel it, from the way he pulls mark into his chest more, from the way his hands squeeze him a bit more securely, from the trail of kisses he leaves on mark's nape.   
  
  
"are you going to tell me what's wrong?" yukhei's hoarse voice sounds in the quiet room.   
mark sighs and untangles himself from yukhei, leaning against the headboard, the other boy gets up as well, leaning his weight on one palm, hair a mess and eyes squinting from the blinding sunlight.  
  
  
he searches for words, he really does, but he doesn't know what to say, oh it's just that i have been feeling greedy lately and i just wanted your whole attention on me that's all? no, he won't say that. a palm strokes his cheek and he breathes in, leaning in the soft touch. "you know you can tell me anything, right?" yeah, mark knows. "you were crying last night, weren't you?" yes, he was. "i can tell from your swolloen eyes. i.. i wanted to give you time, but it seems like it's not working." no, it's really not. "so, if its something i can help with, please tell me? you don't have to, but just know that you don't have to go through anything alone." mark, finally, makes eye contact with him, and he titles his head closer until their forehead bumb together.   
  
  
"i really want to tell you, but i just, i just can't find the right words." yukhei hums, cupping his other cheek with the empty palm, pecks mark's lips, a wordless gesture of _take your time, but i'm always here._ placing his hands on his shoulders, mark pulls yukhei in a hug. its warm, its calming and _home,_ and mark feels lightheaded, if the exhale he lets out once the older wraps his arms around him is anything to go by.  
  
  
their day goes smoothly after, they don't talk about it, and mark allows himself the privilege of enjoying these moments, to enjoy yukhei's laugh bubbling in his chest and the way he throws himself on mark and kisses the crown of his head when they're cuddling on the couch.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
yukhei is in the library when he recieves a text message from mark. it's been a few weeks since the incident and he notices a drastic change in mark's behaviour and mood, for the good, of course. it wasn't immediate, it took him quite the while to go back like how he used to, to laugh at yukhei's silly jokes, to initate skinship and conversations with him, to start hanging out with his friends again, but he's here now and the worry leaves yukhei eventually, assuming that what he needed was just to cry and let it all out, since he has been feeling better since that night.   
  
  
**_minnie_**  
_it's not what i wanted to say exactly, there are thing that will be left unspoken, but i know you'll understand where i was going for with this  
__you always do.  
_  
there's a link attached to the texts and he feels his heart racing. he closes the books in front of him and his laptop, pluging in his airpods and starts the song. the melody is somewhat slow, but it pulls him in. he listens closely, focusing on the lyrics, on the feelings mark is pouring out for him to hear, for him to understand. he doesn't even realize he's crying by the end of the song until his tears drip on his phone, blurring his vision. truthfuly, the lyrics are simple, easy to understand for anyone, but yukhei feels what mark wanted _only him_ to feel, the real meaning behind his words. he gets it now, it's strange how he understood what mark felt all these past weeks without him straight out telling him what is it, its weird, the lump in his throat, the ache in his heart and he chuckles, he always gets overwhelmed by mark's songs, because there's always a hidden meaning that only yukhei understands, he's the only one that sees past through these lyrics and he doesn't know if its mark's intention or that he knows mark all too well.   
  
_"lately i have been a little fed up_

_wish you would just focus on_

_me"_

yeah, he will do just that. he quickly collects his things and heads back home. he needs to see mark, he needs to hold the smaller in his arms and he needs to _now._

 _  
  
  
_sitting on his bed with book in hand, mark hears a door being shut and rustle of keys followed by hurried footsteps. he frowns, not remembering inviting any of his friends over. just as he's about to get up, the bedroom door slams open and mark startles, letting a small sound of surprise.   
  
"xuxi! you dickhead, you fucking scared me!" he's met with a giggle and arms wrapping around his waist. he's somehow standing on his tiptoes as yukhei is pulling him up to his level. mark doesn't move for a while, not until his boyfriend tightens his arms around him, knocking the air out of his lungs. he places his hands on yukhei's shoulders, hugging him close, burying his face in his shoulder. they stay silent for a while, just the sound of the soft music mark was playing could be heard.  
  
  
"i just.." he breathes out.   
  
  
"miss you, and missing you feels like missing home, so distant and out of reach, but you're right here and it hurts because i haven't been able to feel like within my home in so long." yukhei lets mark talk, placing a hand on his hair and combing through it. "you're here, you're always here, laughing and running in our home, always challenging me in video games and always hugging me tight when we sleep, but you still felt away. maybe..maybe i'm becoming greedy? i don't know, i don't know what this is, but i just want you here, with me in all types of ways..i just want you to be within me until you're suffocating me, but i swear, xuxi, it will never be too much for me."  
  
  
yukhei feels dumb, even though mark is the one who went through this, he's the one crying now. mark giggles at him, wiping his tears away and kissing the traces they left on his cheeks. he tells mark that he'll be here, that he'll suffocate mark with his endless love with his shaking voice. he kisses mark, soft and tender at first, but then he purposfully chokes mark in it, turning the boy into a laughing mess at how serious yukhei's expression is, it doesn't last, he breaks in giggles as he kisses mark again, walking forward until mark falls on the bed with him on top. mark chuckles, th sound so soft to yukhei's ears and tries to push him away so he can breathe properly but he doesn't budge, leaning down to kiss mark again and starts praising him and how amazing his song is, how lucky he is to have someone as talented as mark in his life. mark blushes a pretty pink slapping yukhei's shoulder playfully with a foolish smile on his face.   
  
  
  
they're okay, they're happy. and even if one feels down at times, that's alright, because the other will always be there for him. 

**Author's Note:**

> what mark wrote was something similar to this: https://youtu.be/Uj9y5xkHZaU


End file.
